How To Improve Your Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, Express Your True Self & Become Good With People
I’ll give you my top 3 tips:
#1 – Do something for yourself to increase your “confidence”.
What is confidence: confidence is *WHAT YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO*. In essence – confidence ONLY comes from *doing*.
There is “what you estimate you can do” (without ever proving it) and then there’s “what you KNOW you can do”.
“What you estimate you can do” is your SELF-ESTEEM. “What you know you can do” is your CONFIDENCE.
Do you see? You can’t truly know what you’re confident of doing without your ever having to do it. Confidence only comes from doing.
SO, HOW DO YOU INCREASE YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE
You acquire *knowledge* and *experience*. Knowledge and experience will increase “What You Know You Can Do* – and preferably knowledge from experience although you can acquire knowledge and experience other ways such as “synthetic experience” (such as books, biographies, audios, other people’s experiences) and this way, you increase your *perspective*.
Only until you actually *do* will have have confidence. Until then, you only have self-estimation.
The next two advice will help you acquire those experiences.
#2 – Do something for others’ self-interestedly (“selfishly” or rather, *enlightenedly selfish*.
In other words, do something for others because it makes YOU feel good about YOU.
Arguably, the most important thing in the world is your feeling good about who YOU are. The fastest way to do that is to help others without asking for anything in return. Immediately, you’ll feel good you’ve helped others and you didn’t waste your time and you create the effect of other people knowing that there are actually others out there willing to help for nothing in return.
#3 – Make it a goal to talk to someone new every day.
How does this help you increase your self-confidence, increase your self-esteem, and help you express your true self? I’ll explain.
Firstly, I’d like you to meet someone new with the [selfish] agenda to get to know the PERSON. Your goal is to give the other person a platform to demonstrate who they are – to introduce themselves to someone who’s interested in THEM.
When you meet a new person, what you’re actually doing is YOU’RE INTRODUCING A PERSON WHO’S WORTHY AND WORTHWHILE TO ANOTHER PERSON.
Let’s say you were to clone yourself and it produced the exact same person, with the same mannerisms, the same story, the same everything as you. Let’s say you feel good about that person and you think that person is worthy and worthwhile.
Here’s the thing: whenever you introduce yourself to another person, what you’re doing is you’re introducing that clone of you to this new person.
The question for you is: if you cloned yourself, would you be happy and excited and enthusiastic in introducing that person to a new person?
Going back, most people don’t get the opportunity (the platform) to introduce themselves, or rather, to allow other people to get to know who they’re truly are. Most people talk just so they can talk more about themselves.
When you allow others to talk about their favorite topic, which is themselves, you instantly become an interesting person!
You INSTANTLY become a “good conversationalist”. Even if you’ve walked away from that interaction without much to say, based on how you’ve gotten that person to open up about themselves genuinely, you’ll be perceived by them as a great conversationalist.
Before you begin talking to new people, the only thing you really have is your self-esteem. The only thing you have is your estimation of what you ‘think’ you can do. Once you’ve actually gone through the actions and the motions, is when you find out where you truly stand and where your confidence lies. Before then, your “confidence” could very well be completely aggrandized or diminished to what reality is.
When you begin talking to people, you’ll find out where you’re over-estimating with your confidence and where you’re underestimating yourself. You find out where you could improve and where you’ve got self-deception!
Furthermore, once you’ve gotten your self-esteem and your self-confidence at the same level, (meaning: you expect and estimate exactly what you’ve proven to yourself that you could do), you’ll attain a wonderful place called “self-appreciation”.
Self-appreciation is one of the tenets, the axioms, the fundamental prerequisites of “enlightenment”.
So, moving forward, there are 365 days in a year, and you talk to one new person a day which makes it 365 new acquaintance, and 10% of them become more significant to you, and a small percentage of that will become tremendously significant to you in many ways, business, personal, sexual, or otherwise.
So, to revisit, the more you do, the more you develop and discover your confidence, the better you can improve it, the better your self-esteem (your self-estimation) becomes, you become more and more appreciative, you increase the people in your life whom are worthy and worthwhile, and you are increasing now your competence and confidence and you’re finding out that people aren’t that bad, people are fun!
Again, doing these things will increase your self-confidence, it’ll make you less intimidated by people because you’re getting to know that people are fun (there are only a handful in your lifetime that’ll be malicious and bad people).
Going back to helping others (self-interestedly to feel good about you) for nothing in return, think of the metaphor of *depositing into a favor bank*.
You don’t have to “deposit favors” to just one person to be able to withdraw favors from that person. By depositing favors into a proverbial “favor bank”, you’ll begin to find because of how you feel about YOU, that people, anyone, will happily do favors for you because of how you communicate (subconsciously) your comfort in yourself (the spiritual folks call this karma).
Remember: people can tell from an intuitive, unconscious, sense, how YOU FEEL ABOUT YOU.
If you want to increase your confidence in relationships, you will want to read this book.
Go ahead and share your thoughts on this in the comments below.