Male-Female Dynamics, Sex & Sociobiology!
In this blog post, I’m going to share with you what someone said about my book.
I think it’s a pretty insightful conversation, you might find you’ll learn a few insights on love, sex, and the male-female dynamic.
She wanted to remain anonymous.
Woman who read my book:
I enjoyed reading your book and I could relate to so many parts of it particularly the labels men have used to describe me because they could not control me or because I have most often preferred more than one type of male companion or lover, but mostly because I make love with my friends. It is really funny, in some aspects, reading these areas of your book.
The analogy of a man’s love wan to steak is humorous, but gross since I have been a Vegan nearly all of my life. Interesting that you would use the notion of having steak or not having steak, but perhaps you wrote your book for the masses. Nevertheless, I like this part of your book.
When my friends have asked me why I have lived alone so long since my divorce years ago, I tell them many things, but the main thing is that I want the heat to never go away. I want a man to be happy to hear my voice. I want to hear him smile. I want him to greet me at the door and vice versa. I want to make love every night like it is the first time, deeply and slowly, BUT I know that when you come home to each other every damn day, monotony sets in and next taking each other for granted. Most couples go on automatic pilot and either debt and/or children keep them together regardless of the monotony or unhappiness. That is not how I want to live.
Now, the notion of a man telling me to emancipate myself, as you sort of do in your book, bothers me a bit and as a result, you come across a little as a know-it-all or superhero. No one knows a woman better than another woman unless she is toxic, in poor health, and has lost all sense of intuitiveness, which happens a lot in today’s culture. You sound a little arrogant. For example, you say in a few places, “I will not let me girlfriend…” Only parents let their children do or not do something. If a woman wanted to make you her only lover, you cannot force her to take on other lovers unless you threaten to not be her lover and even then, it turns into stuff like control and manipulation.
Women, by nature, are far more monogamous than men except the part you nailed: when a woman is in heat. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I use to laugh with some of my friends who understood ovulation that I could always tell when I was ovulating because I would wear shorter dresses and I would even flirt with the mailman. I no longer ovulate in the sense that I did in my 20s and 30s, but my sexual heat is more affected by exercise, diet, water (bathing, swimming, or drinking it), fasting, and mental stimulation.
With that said, I think that the most helpful part of your book for MALES is indeed this part about women’s change in behavior when they are in heat aka estrus. Most men do not have a clue about this. Love sometimes thought keeps things from becoming monotonous. I have experienced making love to the same man 6-7 days a week for years and it never got boring for ME. I could feel every part of his being inside of me and it really was filling so much so that there was no room for another man. So, nothing is absolute.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading your book. I must have because I paused my afternoon list of things to do to finish reading it. It was just the right length, too. I like you. You are interesting and seemingly smart. You also carry heat. I sense that when I look at your short video chats. Heat is powerful. I know it when I see it.
And finally, if I had to look at how the book enriched my life what would I say? Mmm, I would probably say that it was nice to read in print how men have historically characterized women who take on more than one lover as a slut. Why was this nice? It was nice to read this in print because I have been saying your exact words for years. When I was only 15, my male cousin called me DT (dick teaser).
I did not do it deliberately, but this was his term for me because I chose who I talked to even then. This leads me to something that you alluded to or maybe said a little in your book. The most powerful thing about a woman who emancipates herself (hate that word like I hate polyamor) is in fact that she becomes a more sensuous woman, in my opinion.
Most women would never quite agree to this, but I think it happens because when a woman is emancipated from what society tells her she should be, she is not in victim mode, not begging or clinging, and then she own the universe (who sounds arrogant now). Seriously. My life and soul changed when I stopped begging men or stopped allowing them to “name” me or waiting for them to bring their steak to me. After all, I am a Vegan. I do not wait for steak.
What did I think was missing in your book? The health aspect. The healthier a woman’s diet and lifestyle is, the more her heart and vagina opens. The juicier she is in every way and she wants to fly. I know about this first hand. Poor diet and lifestyle, drugs, alcohol, mental illness, etc. are the real slave master that a woman must emancipate herself from. Health is the key factor to liberation.
Now, I realize your NEXT book may be about “health”, but no solid book about relationships can exist without emphasizing the place of health. If I make love to a man who is in poor health, his toxic state will infiltrate me and vice versa. It is not possible to have a healthy relationship unless BOTH or all partners are healthy. Being stuck in old habits can sometimes be remedied by changing lifestyle.
That is, changing to a more holistic lifestyle. Fights, clinging, and drama happen the most in relationships when one or all partners are not at their best mentally, physically, and spiritually. Here, health includes spiritual balances. Emancipation cannot be done without being spiritually centered. You cannot just tell people to “just do it” without a formula. Health is part of that formula. That is my two cents on health.
OK. I have an appointment at 6:30 p.m. and I better run.
Thank you for the opportunity AND privilege to read your book AND share my thoughts with you. I am actually working on my first eBook. I will tell you about it when I publish it. It is written and I am proofreading it, which is sometimes difficult while working full time and living. I am excited about it. As a child growing up in Miami, I had two goals. One was to be a gymnast, then I grew into a giant (6ft 2) and then my other goal was to be a writer. 98% of what I do in my day job is write although I am not officially a writer. I have a much fancier title! It’s funny. Who we are meant to be will follow us wherever we go until we become that person or die.
Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate it! I’m so happy parts of the book resonated with you!
You know, I didn’t realize someone vegan would recognize that steakhouse analogy as something outside of their code of ethics! That was funny. Thanks for that 😀
I’ve noticed you truly recognize the premise in this book! You yourself are an emancipated and independent woman and that’s great and awesome and wonderful. If unconditional love were to truly exist in a relationship, then there needn’t be any notion of jealousy or ownership. You also mentioned you didn’t like the word emancipated. To be emancipated by definition is to be liberated. It’s to be free from any legal, social, or political restrictions. It’s to do what you want for your own reasons, instead of anyone elses. Let me know what part of emancipation you don’t vibe with if you could.
You mentioned that women know women better than any man would, even me. I’m going to disagree with that completely. From a long experience of helping women emancipate themselves and discover their sexuality, I know certainly women themselves don’t know themselves well, let alone other women. And, interestingly, that’s even more true when it comes to sex! Women presume just because they’re making love with another woman with the same genitalia that they’d know fully how to operate and pleasure it. I can tell you certainly, it’s rarely the case that they do. See, women are different even to themselves depending on the portion of the month their in or whether where their progesterone, estrogen, testosterone levels are in their cycle. Which is why the most important thing I teach during sex is the communication aspect whether it’s with words or wordlessly.
I love that you brought up this point. Women are actually not more monogamous than men. Quite contrarily, men are much more monogamous than women as a generality! While there are some men, mostly ones whom have been diagnosed with ADD, that have the trait of the “alpha ambition”. These are the kinds of men whom have an overwhelming inclination to spread the seed. These are the kinds of men whom would rather leave their “family” (in tribal, evolutionary biology definition – ones who are familiar [having the scent of daddy]), that would rather go out on their own, away from the safety of their tribe, than be under, always, the dictatorial command of the alpha of the “family”. These are the kinds of guys with the genetic trait to not be able to help but to spread the seed, and is not in their nature to be monogamous. On the other hand, there are men without this “alpha ambition” trait, that are completely and naturally comfortable with being monogamous.
It’s not the same for women. Women have estrus for a biological reason. Among many other things. It’s not in their nature to be monogamous. With that said, it’s also in their nature, and is the reason they hide their ovulation from males (unlike other mammals), is to find a male that could take on the role of provider. Furthermore, if you notice, the male penis is shaped like a plunger. That’s so he can pull out the sperm of other men previous. As a sidenote, this “sperm war” is also the reason there are sperm designed specifically, and only, to attack and kill other men’s sperm – scientifically proven and observable on a test tube. Unbeknownst to most everyone, because it’s been taught from a time immemorial, monogamy and even polygamy are, by far, not the only relationship styles. There are many places on Earth even to this day that have kept, evolved, and can be observed to study how we’ve evolved, whom whose people copulate and care for their offsprings as a tribal “family”. In these tribes, when you ask a child who their father was, they’d look at you weirdly and say, “What do you mean? I’ve got 300 fathers”. I understand your busy, but if you’re ever up for it, you can read the book “Sex At Dawn” for more detailed evolutionary biology explanations.
I definitely agree about the health aspect that you recognized. Health is important in all aspects of our lives and I especially appreciate a woman who recognizes it’s importance in the same way I do, but I don’t judge, and it’s not necessary for me to get a hard on for her. I go deeper than that, in the sense that the key to unlocking a woman’s ability to be in touch with her sexuality, healthy or not, is communicating to her and allowing her that space to not be judged for her sexuality (for which for the entirety of her life has been the case by society, her peers, and her family), to allow her to express her sensuality. I think, at that point, it’d be hard for her not to care for her health as she’ll enjoy that feeling in her body so much, she’ll recognize there’s only truly one true home, which is her body! In that instance she recognizes it, she can honor it rather than trash it (since society, her peers, and family hasn’t taught her to honor it, and even more insidious is societies dishonoring the body).